A sweet husband, two healthy babies, a good career, pool parties with friends...
But a year ago, I also felt the tensions, the unrest, and the division in this world growing - not just permeating the fringes of the world around me- but also penetrating my safe sweet little bubble of a life. Although tension, unrest, and division were nothing new, it certainly felt like things were escalating and coming to a head. It felt like things were going from bad to worse. I found myself walking away from potential altercations in such mundane places as department stores and it felt like something needed to be done.
I was looking for solutions. I was looking for direction. I was looking for something to channel my energy, my passion, and my heart for humanity into.
Something happened.
I, along with 92,000 people who shared the Facebook post, 18,000 people who commented on the post, and 110,000 people who reacted to the post heard a message that the world needed to hear from a man named Collin Packer.
Before this post, Collin and the church where he is the lead minister didn't exist to me. Despite the fact that Greenville Oaks, where Collin preaches, was exactly three miles from my doorstep, and despite the fact that I had driven by the church 100 times, I knew nothing of it.
I came across Collin's post about Botham Jean, about speaking out for justice, and about standing in solidarity with our fellow man, only because a handful of the 92,000 people who shared his post were in my attorney moms group.
I was interested.
I've had comings and goings with the church in the past. I've had comings and goings with Christians in the past. I've had disappointment, heartache, and brokenness with religion in the past. Many times throughout my life, including the time period from 2017 until September 2018, I didn't have hope that I would return to a church.
I've tried to be part of a church on several occasions throughout the years. My many attempts felt incongruent. I felt like a spectator watching a movie that didn't have a role for me. I felt like the force and direction of my life didn't align with the direction of the body I was trying to fit into. I felt like what I stood for, believed in, and knew of God wasn't what I found when I walked through the church doors...but then there was this little Facebook post.
When I read that Facebook post, I didn't realize the door I was opening. Yes, it was the start of once again attending church on Sunday, and yes it was the start of bible study, prayer, community service, etc. on a level I'd never engaged in before, but it was also so much more.
The church doors were no longer an entry point into a world I didn't belong to.
I finally found a church that didn't distinguish between the identity of believers inside the church and the identity of the believers outside the church. I finally found a church that saw the real world, not as something that church equips us for, but as what the church actively participates in at all times. The church exists in, among, as part of, and for the benefit of the real world.
Those close to me know that my life doesn't look like it did a year ago. Those close to me know that I don't live like I did a year ago.
I'll admit to a moment of panic- there was a moment of sheer terror before I decided to let go of what I knew and of what was familiar to dive into the unknown. And I'll admit to wanting to hold on to my stable life with my sweet family, nice job, and predictability. I'll admit wanting to let someone else stand up and lead the charge for justice, for solidarity, and for understanding.
Despite the fears, despite the sacrifice, despite the challenges, I knew this was a call that couldn't go unanswered. I knew that I had to do something.
It's been almost one year to the day since Botham Jean's death, but the message that resonated with 100,000 people following his passing hasn't faded in my mind.
I'm grateful for the pastor's words that sowed the seeds. I'm grateful for the church that has helped me flourish. And I'm grateful that the person I share life with day in and day out reminded me that this life was never my own; it exists for God's great purposes. I hope my efforts are worthy of the calling.
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